Monsters!

A To Z in monsters encountered by John Nicholson according to his unpublished blogs

Monster: Do you need a spare head Johnny Sahib?
JN: No. Hobson just sent a fresh shrunken head from New Zealand for my Scales of Justice. Besides, it looks as if the head is still attacked to a living body…..

John Nicholson held justice trials after investigating and arresting criminals. Being a Political Officer he wore many hats. To impress the contrary Pathans he used a Statue of Justice holding scales.  Nicholson being Nicholson he used a statue of Kali and per tradition dating back to an outlaw whose head adored Nicholson’s desk  as he powwowed with Pathans about the concept of justice, his scales held a shrunken or salted head in one scale and a loaded  gun and spare bullets to counterbalance the other scale. Pathans kept bringing fresh heads (usually of fresh blood feud victims) and monsters were equally fascinated by the concept of British Justice.

John Nicholson once owned an automation of a devil. A Muslim imam finally shot it to pieces in a fit of hysteria.  Nicholson always claimed he was exactly 28 seconds off Normality Time because as a small child of 5 he met the Devil in the parlor of his mother’s haunted house. The Devil was dressed like the kirk preacher of his mother’s protestant church but Nicholson was not fooled! The Devil was not wearing socks! To disguise the lack of socks he had blackened his ankles but that did not fool Johnny. The Devil also wore lifts in his shoes.  But the Devil was wearing his collar stub just in case you were wondering. Little Johnny stomped on his tall hat and then kicked the fake preacher in the shins.  He also yanked at his red vest  which no kirk preacher surely would be wearing.  So the fake preacher ran away.  Johnny waved his handkerchief   about the parlor to scare away any other devils.  Later his demented mother locked him in the attic for attacking the preacher. Johnny insisted to his dying day it was the Devil come to say ‘Howdy’ to his godson. He explained the lack of devilish tail by explaining if he kept a small gun in the back of his tunic shoved into his belt then surely the Devil tucked his red tail into his back pocket. . You can also read about another devilish encounter with the sinister Mr Acheronian summoned by an Ouija Board in Blog 38 of John Nicholson of India.

Bad Hanuman! Discover how Nicholson met Hanuman in Patiala—- or was it Rakshasa?…. Blog 205-210 in John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny.

Black Kali was a scary goddess of violent death. So naturally the soldiers in India always claimed she was the goddess of battlefields. Wounded or dying on a battlefield you probably won’t meet any heavenly angels or even your mother but you would probably meet Kali. But that was not a bad as it sounded believe it or not. Kali treated brave men, cowards, drunks, cads, officers, lowly soldiers, winning side, losing side, anyone, and everyone on the battlefield exactly alike — with surprising compassion. Kali was an expert in violent death. But she was compassionate to good and bad alike when they were facing death.  Meet Kali in blog 439 of John Nicholson Political Officer. And meet a thuggee worshiper of Kai in blog 306. You will be surprised what sort of people were thuggees.

The Burka became the shroud of the Banshee of Peshawar. Read blog 95 of John Nicholson of India and discover the banshee who haunted the Pathans who murdered her in an act of ‘honor killing’ and what happened next.

Willie, Nicholson’s kid brother came to India to make the family fortune when Nicholson refused to loot or take bribes. He was murdered under very mysterious circumstances. Nicholson saw his living ghost and rode hell bent for leather but arrived too late to stop the violent death. So he investigated the murder of poor Willie — and Willie’s sinister ‘friend’ Captain Caliginous and his camera obscura.  And who is Eiwill? Willie’s last words raved about a mysterious Eiwill? Discover the truth starting in blog 243 -256 of John Nicholson Political Officer.

There is a legend that a dead man’s eyes kept the last image as death came. So it was disconcerting that young Johnny noted that his Uncle Hogg’s  pince nez spectacles always retained the last vision — Hogg’s eyes —- even after he removed them and placed them on a table……. Meet Uncle Hogg  in blog 42 of John Nicholson of India. Then visit Hogg Heaven where  young Johnny’s sinister relatives lived.

Sepoys fought  in 1857, a mutiny that became a rebellion that became a civil war, over monsters. Fears of monsters. Monsters and taboos and bones in the sugar and pig in the grease. Monsters of the mind. Phobias. Paranoia.  In fact their monster was the Great Divergence which as this chart reveals, trapped India in Negative Divergence as Britain and America soared upwards into the economic  stratosphere.  How do you fight an economic monster? Read John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny and find out.

John Nicholson lived in a haunted house when he was a small child. After his distant and unhappy father died the family was plunged into genteel poverty which his increasingly demented mother hid with a ‘grotesqueness worthy of Dickens’ . Being cheap, they lived in a haunted house. When one ghost wrote on a mirror ‘You are mine to kill’ young Johnny knew they were in trouble. Read blog 14, 32,36, 38, 39 of John Nicholson of India  and discover the mystery of Mr Acheronian and the dead body under the paving stones…..

A ghost in a red sari filled Nicholson’s dreams after he came back from Afghanistan to Peshawar where Henry Lawrence and his staff lived in a converted tomb. Discover the mystery of one of India’s most famous ghosts —- Anakali — in blogs 7,14, 18, 19, 20 of John Nicholson Political Officer.

Discover the mystery of the parasitic ghost of Anakali if you dare….blog 18 of John Nicholson Political Officer.

Some ghosts are spooky and some are quite pleasant. Take Charlie for instance….. starting  in blog 16 of John Nicholson of India

Another famous ghost of India is the ghost of Narain Rao. He was a traveling ghost no less. He traveled with Baji Rao  II the deposed and very nasty ex-Peshwa. More exactly he traveled with the damned title Peshwa which the ghost very much damned. As in Harbinger of Doom wailing of the Fall of the House of the Peshwa  sort of damnation.  Meet the ghost who died of diamond dust in blog 221 in John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny and discover how diamond dust kills…. and how Bill Sikes, professional thief, robbed Nana Sahib the new Peshwa of a gigantic fortune and what Nicholson did with his half of a 30 pound bag of gems. in blog 216-218.

The Ghost of Narain Rao traveled back in style! Traveling with yet another Peshwa called Raosahib.  General Tope planned to murder and depose Scindia of Gwalior and crown a ferret of a Brahmin as the new Peshwa in revenge….. a long and complicated story on Brahmins and people they hated….. but the coronation of Raosahib did not go exactly according to plan when the traveling ghost climaxed the crowning with his spectacular appearance.  No wonder the guests, all Brahmins, regretted betraying their rajah Scindia to embrace an exiled and fake Peshwa from Oudh. Talk about stinky Oudh perfume…. and  coming soon in a novel about Bill Sikes’ adventures trapped in India during 1857.

Golem was an artificial protector of Jews when persecuted and come 1857 the Jews of India knew the Wahhabists behind the 1857 plot would come after them. Wahhabists violently hated Jews.  So when Nicholson met Ravana after causing a riot in Benares calling Rama an ‘Eton Toff’ he found himself giving a gift from Ravana to the Jews: The infamous Sahita Book of Ancient Indian Alchemy which was the instruction manual how to use the Indian Alchemist’s Stone — and guess was inside the book? Yep! And guess what the Jews did with it…..Yep!. Discover more in the coming books on Bill Sikes and read blog 228 of John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny to meet Ravana the sexy devil himself.

John Nicholson grew up in a genuine haunted house in damp, dank, dark Ireland.  And what a haunted house!  Read blog 32 of John Nicholson of India and see how bad the haunting got…..

How not to kill a Zombie! Do not keep trying to chop him up ‘like radishes’! He will just reassemble himself! Do not give him weapons to use on you! Discover the horror of the Zombies of Kashmir starting in  in blog 90-106 of John Nicholson Political Officer.. And find out who John meets while in Kashmir at Amarnath in blog 68-70.

Monster: Brahhhhh!
Nicholson: I am not impressed!
Nicholson was a clairvoyant and anyway, India was weird enough without second sight. When Nicholson was not rescuing a lady from suttee (blog 213-215) he was meeting a Hindu poltergeist in blog 404 -405 and becoming his own ghost in blog 421-423 or meeting a werecat in blog 548-549. Discover how weird India can be…..

As a political officer Nicholson was expected to be firm on lawbreakers and keep order. But how could he cope with Bill Sikes? Victorian Cat burglar and safe cracker extraordinaire? First Sikes seduces Honest Nicholson into robbing the boy Rajah of Gwalior where he meets ‘Dearie’  in blog 40 ∧ 45 and then he gets Nicholson trapped in a tiger pit in blog 46-47 and then Nicholson has to save the boy rajah from a palace coup starting at blog 48…. meanwhile Sikes…. well…. read the blogs of John Nicholson Political Officer and find out!

The city of Delhi was besieged by mutineers, deserters, jihadists, Rebels, Loyalists, spies,  and a bunch of dead people. Perhaps after the pogrom where people were ‘chopped up like radishes’ or burned alive or raped and stomped to death the corpses should have been buried……. Read about the bhuta in the upcoming novels about Bill Sikes and his adventures trapped in Delhi in 1857. And oh yes….. the severed heads….it was not a good idea to sever heads and then leave them rolling around…….

Shiva the god of death and destruction. Read blog 202 of John Nicholson Political Officer and find out if Shiva was wearing his collar stub when he met Nicholson……

The monstrous  Salugh the Unforgiving Dead tend to carry grudges — mostly against their murderers. Find out why playing with an Ouija Board really is not a good idea in blog 38 of John Nicholson of India.  Then discover who George Singh Taylor really is in blog 57.

The Slaugh Unforgiving dead might have enjoyed the fiendish chess game Sikandar of Bhopal played with a Wahhabi perfume seller turned gigolo where each chess piece lost resulted in the instant amputation of a corresponding body part in blog  248-250 of John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny.

Were is an ancient word for weird and werewolves are weird by any definition. Discover Bill Sikes’ secret in the upcoming novels about his desperate time during 1857 when his inner wolf came out…. Meanwhile read how John Nicholson confronted Pure Evil in the Punjab — and he was not even wearing a collar stub — in blog 406-419. Warning: not for the  squeamish. Pure Evil in human form is the most evil that evil can be….

Malaria time came every monsoon season to torment Nicholson —- and that was when his Third Eye of Second Sight became the most intense. Discover what happened when young Nicholson first caught malaria in India in blog 74 of John Nicholson of India.

Some monsters are complex. Is a lion eating a map of India? Why?  Is it Britannia eating India? To this day a lot of Indians think Britannia ate India lock, stock, and both barrels of a Triple BandEnfield Rifle.. But some monsters are more complex. Was the  Great Divergence that made Britannia a super power the result of devouring India as a colony? Or did Negative Divergence weaken India so that the Great Divergence of Britannia could then devour India? Did Great Divergence cause colonies or did colonies cause the Great Divergence. Some monsters are complex world events. Why did countries in the North and West of Europe and America and Canada come to devour other countries in the South and East of Europe, America, and the East? What did India share with Spain? Portugal? Italy? Austria but not Australia? Russia? Africa? China? The Islamic countries? But not Japan?  Yet  Ireland in the north and west shared the Negative Divergence boat with India too?  Why did a tiny island come to rule India instead of India, a gigantic nation, come to rule a tiny island?  It would take Stephen King to figure that out….

Mary Nicholson was John Nicholson’s sister. She had an attitude problem just like John. Especially with flying scissors. And when she became a teenager it got even worse! Discover the mystery behind the poltergeist of Hogg Heaven in blog 46 of John Nicholson of India.

Young Theo Metcalfe was the flighty son of somber Sir Metcalfe who was poisoned by the Red Queen of the Red Fort. Discover how mad Metcalfe was at the battle of Najafagarh in John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny. And remember that John Nicholson starts recalling his demented young life starting in blog 12 when he meets an Irish banshee in John Nicholson of India.

Sir Metcalfe ghost proved entertaining to Ghalib who was clairvoyant. Ghalib told Bill Sikes some ghosts smell of roses and sandalwood and others just smell. And discover the deal that tempted Nicholson with in blog 40 of John Nicholson Political Officer in ‘Can you afford to say no?” PS. That smelled as stinky as Oudh Perfume…..

The Monster of the battery. in 1857 a lot of reactionary sepoys  lived in terror of the many multiplying wonders brought by the British. The telegraph used huge glass liquid batteries to generate electricity to power the telegraph. There really was not a monster of the battery but if someone threw the liquid battery into your face you would miss that face for the rest of  your days……  a monster as far as everyone was concerned if they had to  look at you….

Old maps would have blanks with ‘There be monsters!’ but today modern maps have no space for blanks where monsters might lurk. Science explains more and more mysterious as rational which  turns monsters into the explainable and mundane. But as long as there are human beings there will always be the allure of ‘There Be Monsters’! But how could any scientist explain to young Johnny how a photograph of his dead father, a doctor, poising with a pretty young nurse who was not Johnny’s mother, move…… and change…..  Explain that in blog 20 of John Nicholson of India.

Nicholson: Stop playing with my gun you little wee beasties!
Wee Monsters: Brahhhhhh!

And read blog 214-215 of John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny to discover the loop of time can twist backwards revealing  the ghost city of Fatehpur. or another loop of time can twist forward in blog 181 -182  or how an idol of Kali could overload with sputtering tantric energy in blog 189 and 190 of John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny.

Read blog 21-25 and meet John Nicholson’s half brother. Young Johnny was locked in the attic (after stomping on the kirk preacher) and he found a trunk and inside the trunk he found  an old doctor’s bag of his dead father and inside the old bag he found  wrapped in newspaper  his half brother ‘Weasel’….

Read the mysterious balm book of Ravana  in blog 228 of John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny and  meet a manticore in blog 192 and learn how that leads to an ancient Indian version of steam punk in blog 200.

Ghost: Peek a booooooo!
Nicholson: I will shoot you if you wake me up again!
Ghost: Please! a bullet cannot kill a ghost!
Nicholson: But rock salt can!
Ghost: Ahhhhhhhhh.
Nicholson met a lovely ghost at Chittorgraph Fort however. No less than the famous Padmini. Find out all about the Indian Phoenix in blog 152 -1 53 of John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny.

Some monsters are very real. Wahhbism believes in terror. Real terror. Wahhabism isn’t just here committing evil  at Twin Towers or London’s Underground or Mumbai. In 1857 Wahhabists were behind the entire 1857 plot. Every massacre happened after outrageous blood libels and canards circulated when Wahhabi inflamed butchers and weavers appeared as if on command armed and prepared to chop people up ‘like radishes’  before parading around with severed heads on spikes before setting fire to corpses of men, women, and children,. Indian and Foreigner alike. Some monsters are all too real. Read John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny and confront historic evil face to face.

Nicholson: So tell me are you a Naga or a Chinese Dragon?’
Monster: Hissssssss
Nicholson: Not confessing eh!
Monster: Hissssssss

Nicholson had to research all of the time because India was a remarkable place between 1831 and 1857. What is the difference between pranic and tantric energy? Read blog 189-190 John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny and find out.  Or Bill Sike’s sly plan to destroy Nana Sahib the richest man in the world? Read blog 114. Or how the plan unfolded? Read blog 216 -218. Then join John and Bill with Rajah Scindia at Gwalior as they research the real Ashvamedha Horse Sacrifice and how a gigantic bat is involved in blog  blog 232- -238,. All in John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny.

Bill Sikes was in India in 1856 to steal the scattered parts of a fabulous historic necklace for a new client of Fagin the Godfather of the Swell Mob of the 7 Dials. In the upcoming books discover the gems and jewels Sikes steal and who he kills….

How Bill Sikes went bad is told in the upcoming ‘Rise and Fall of the Swell Mob of the 7 Dials e-books. Discover Charles Dickens’ Oliver Twist retold steampunk style and find out how a respectable young railroad engineer went very very bad…..

Well I did say Bill Sikes went very, very, very bad……Nancy should have played it safe with another lover but Were is so sexually intoxicating….

Sojobo: How can  you possibly know who I am?

Nicholson: “Well, the fact your folded wings under your cap are quivering so that is no hunchback you have, the feathers sprouting out of your hair, your beady birdy eyes, and mostly your nose. You nose Sojobo is growing as big as your infamous temper…..

Sojobo the Harbinger of war is a beastie  tied to every famous warrior in the East from India to China to Japan. The Indians call the beasts Garudas. The Japanese call them Tengu. in Jodhpur the beastie was called Cheeria Nathji. Find out the secret deal the ancient  Rajputs made with a very bad beastie and why the beastie is lurking in the basement of Mehrangarh Fort in blog 139 – 141. Also find out what the Rajah of Jodhpur really meant when he told Nicholson ‘I tiger SHE hunts so a tiger we will hunt…. in blog 136-137. John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny.

Discover Nicholson’s part of the Banshee of Pehswar  in blog 95 -99 of John Nicholson of India.

The ghostly photograph  featured a blurred out a picture of a baby beside the little girl who today was  Queenie. talking to Nicholson in India.  ‘Someone will catch fire John!” Red blog 85-87 of John Nicholson of India and discover the mystery of supernatural  spontaneous combustion.

Why did something — or someone  start hissing inside a mysterious cave under the Banesbwar Temple of Indore? Read blog 257-262 of John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny and discover the mystery of the Naga.

The Narasingha of Jaipur is one nasty golden fleece except this golden fleece is a golden skin of a magical lion beast that while skinned — is not dead — don’t try to wear this lion skin the way Hercules wore his lion skin…… Read blog 193-198 of John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny and discover the mystery of Jaipur.

Who is the Rani of the Zombies of Kashmir and who does she kill with just a touch of her fingers? Discover the Zombies of Kashmir in blog 90-106 of John Nicholson Political Officer. And meet a charming rajah called Nero in blog 73-74.

Discover the Suttee Bhuta of Jaisalmer in  blog 128-129 and while in Jaisalmer discover the Great Game of Russian spies, Dacoits running amok, and Bill Sikes being his usual devious self staring at blog 110. John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny.

Nicholson: Why are you eating the scroll of 1857? It is still 1856 and the future has not been written yet!”
The White Rat: Because I know what the future will be and the future will be evil! 1857 will be evil! And you cannot stop it John! You can only end it!.

The White Rat of Deshoke Temple was famous in Bikaner.  Discover the Temple of Rats in blog 106- 107 and then meet a Were wolf of a different sort in Bikaner. John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny.

Nicholson: When we first met in my dreams you were a sweet little girl.
The girl of the magic meadow: Things change John……
Discover the mystery of the Zombies of Kashmir in blog 90-106 of John Nicholson Political Officer.

Uncle Hogg seemed jovial enough but somehow something did not seem quite right….. Meet Uncle Hogg in blog 42 of John Nicholson of India.

Ghost: We are back Sahib!
Nicholson: So I will kill you again! Baby girl murder is now against the law!
Discover the tragedy of the murder of the newborn girl in blog 304 and how the baby got her revenge  — tiny bite by tiny bite— in blog 305 of John Nicholson Political Officer.

Sikes: Howllllllllll
Nicholson: God damn it! shut up Sikes! This is the last time I share my tent with a werewolf!. See how they get along during 1857 in John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny.

The Gurkha of Nepal told Nicholson the beast howling in the blizzard ahead of them was a Meti or ‘Old Man of the Glacier’ but others called it a Yeti or Abominable Snowman. Moses Abbott said it appeared to be ‘The Missing Link’. But as far as Nicholson was concerned it was just a beastie with an attitude problem. But then Nicholson had a attitude problem…. Blog 113-119 of John Nicholson Political Officer.

Emperor Zafar was a living ghost; a haunted man haunted by a nightmare played out in the royal durbar between his grandfather and father and the vicious Shah of Persia while a little princeling cowered behind a curtain. Discover the living ghost in John Nicholson and the Great Mutiny and find out about the horrors of the Red Fort.

Zombies in Kashmir India? Sure! Read blogs 90 -106 of John Nicholson Political Officer.

Zombies of Kashmir. Jihad against the Hindu Pandits might not be such a good idea after all! Oh yes! That red wax talisman to ward off Zombies! Ooops! It is actually a homing device to lure the zombie toward you! blog 90-106 of John Nicholson Political Officer.

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